I have long insisted that most arguments that teachers make on their own behalf can be defeated with nothing more than common sense. I have decided to put together a top ten list of some of the truly stupid arguments teachers love to make. Admittedly, I have already been adding these kinds of absurdities to my list of Misconceptions regarding the schooling process. This post is about finding the absolute worst.
This is a highly subjective list. There are two primary components I’m looking at. How stupid is the argument, and how widely accepted is the argument? These are not going to be one-off encounters. In fact, most items can be considered cliches. I have heard every item on this list numerous times.
I should also point out that I’m sure that the stupidity I have encountered is not an accurate reflection of all the stupidity that will ever exist. I am open to revising this list. If I see new poorly thought-out ideas taking hold, don’t be surprised to see changes.
Every item on this list is ridiculously stupid. I shouldn’t have to explain any of them. Just in case anyone reading this struggles with the obvious, I will provide simple explanations of why each item is on this list. I will try to get right to the point with the explanations.
Let’s get this started with #10.
#10: If you support school choice, you are a racist
It’s true that some states tried to use vouchers to avoid integration, but it’s absurd to frame the entirety of school choice around that one snippet of history. School choice was also proposed to promote integration, and most studies show that racial minorities are more likely to support school choice. If we want to look at history, why don’t we look at the alternative? Government-controlled schools had to be forced by the Supreme Court to allow black students. Schools were also used to force native Americans to abandon their culture. Government-controlled schooling has an undeniably racist history. The bottom line is that I reject the narrative that it’s racist not to be on the same side of history as the Ku Klux Klan.
#9: With the decline of intelligence, we need to push schooling more than ever before
I agree that we have seen a decline in intelligence, but this corresponds with increased schooling. At the very least, schooling has proven ineffective at fighting stupidity. There’s even reason to believe that this decline is embedded in the foundation of our schools. Simply put, the idea that increased stupidity corresponding with increased schooling is an incredibly weak argument to make the schools even stronger.
#8: Vouchers funnel money from the schools that 90% of children attend
This is a compelling argument for school choice being oddly framed as an argument against choice. If 90% is the basis of funding for the government-controlled model, wouldn’t that logically mean that they should receive 90% of the funding? That’s the concept of choice. It makes no sense to bring up 90% as an argument for 100% of the funding. There appears to be an attempt to use the high percentage to sway perspective. The problem with this is that they are countering a desire to help children leave with an argument that it’s difficult to leave right not. They aren’t going to change any minds that way.
#7: To stay in power, dictators tear down schools
The best way to describe this is teachers want to believe something about themselves completely unrooted in reality, so they state an easily debunked assumption as fact. I have struggled to find a single example of this supposedly common occurrence. The closest I have found is extreme measures to replace existing curriculum with their own. Overwhelmingly, dictators embrace so-called public education. This includes communists, fascists, and national socialists. These schools are not a threat to dictators. They actually act as a tool to help dictators gain and maintain power.
#6: Teaching is the profession that makes all other professions possible
The argument here isn’t that there are some professions that teaching makes possible. It isn’t that teachers make professions better. It’s the idea that no profession, including those that predate the teaching profession, could exist without teachers. Do you honestly believe that if we got rid of the schools, it would be impossible for anyone to contribute anything to society? Professions are certainly possible without teachers.
#5: Children should have ten minutes of homework per grade level
Imagine mapping this out. It would come in a stair pattern. Go up a grade, add ten minutes for the full year. If you extended this to an earlier age, you could have expectations of negative homework. If you expand to an older age, you could assign more homework than someone has time available. This is also about grade levels rather than ages. If children are born six months apart, expectations will be shifted by six months. This hypothetical chart should be sufficient to see the problems, but there’s something bigger, variables. Not all students have the same needs or the same time available for homework. Are we seriously supposed to believe that if a school doubled the length of the school day that there would be no implications on homework?
#4: Children can't learn if they're not in school
This is frequently used as an argument to address chronic absenteeism. Learning predates schooling, and learning remains abundant outside the system. Even if you believe that schooling benefits learning, there’s no way learning would completely vanish without the schooling process. Keep in mind that this argument doesn’t say that schools benefit learning. It’s an argument that learning can’t exist elsewhere.
#3: If you can read this, thank your teacher
Reading predates teaching. There are also people who can read without any formal schooling. Teachers don’t even establish that people attended school before pushing this argument. They just assume. Even for the bulk of the population who attended school and became literate, that neither proves that learning to read occurred in school nor that an individual wouldn’t have learned elsewhere. On top of all of that, this taps into something that I despise about our schools, our tendency to undermine the role of the learner in the educational process. If you can read this, you deserve at least some of the credit.
#2: Schools have been defunded
We keep setting records for inflation-adjusted per-student spending. We are spending a fortune on these schools, and spending keeps going up. By no stretch of the imagination does our continuous spending increases qualify as defunding schools.
#1: Teachers mold minds
As long as you understand the meaning of these words, there’s no possible way to interpret them as somehow positive. This isn’t spin. It’s a downright despicable act stated in a downright despicable manner. Teachers have found words that are even less warm and fuzzy than washing brains, which at least comes with a sense of cleanliness. Seriously, I’m not going to look up to teachers because they are using their position of influence to mold the minds of innocent children. This is actually a very strong argument to keep your kids away. Do you honestly want government workers to use their position to mold your children’s minds?
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